Difficult to Breathe...

It has been forever since I posted on this blog...mainly because of a lack of time...but I think partly because my new adventures in homeschooling have taken me down a path of self-reflection that I did not know quite how to describe. Homeschooling is a privilage and a burden. It is a choice I made and yet, a prison at a times. It is an opportunity that never stops knocking. My life has changed in every way imaginable. There are wonderful days full of discovery and understanding and there are days that make me want to crawl back into bed for a month or two. I have never spent so much time with my children. I know that sounds like a good thing...and it is...but it's difficult to breathe at times. I need time for self-reflection. Cranking K-Love up on the way to the grocery store isn't enough to dround out their constant need for me. I hope I don't sound like a whiner. I'm just trying to paint a picture for you...maybe I need to feel understood today.

On the positive side, I spoke with a friend of mine who teaches the 3rd grade and we are way ahead of the public school. His multiplication skills are really coming along and he reads and writes in cursive with ease now. The cancer of comparison eats me alive at times, so it was nice to know that we're not only up to speed, but zooming by. Gave me a few days of relief, anyway.

This decision is mine. This new life is mine. This child is mine. Maybe saying it out loud will help me own it all more. I need time to feel motivated and re-energized. I need time to write and play and sing for myself and my own clarity. Maybe when he's 18 I'll find that time! For now, it's step by step; day by day; God make up the difference!