There is no pause button for life. The last few weeks have have been fast and furious and I am longing for rest from it all. I just returned from my last trip to Grandma's house...helping clean, pack and sort her things. It's a nine hour drive each way and I'm spent. My energy level hasn't been this low since I had a newborn at home. I am grateful to my friends and family for lifting me up through it all. It has kept me going.
There is something about saying good-bye to your grandmother. As long as you have a grandmother on earth, you're still somebody's grandchild. But as soon as they're gone, it's like you're not a kid anymore. The last few weeks, I have felt like I am saying good-bye to my childhood, as well. The memories that simple household objects bring up amaze me. A magnet. A telephone. A chair. They're THINGS...but they open doors in your mind to places you haven't visited in years.
And that is draining, too. No matter how grateful I am to Josh for his patience and endurance, there are still pressures to return to reality. Fighting brothers. Overflowing laundry hampers. Birthday celebrations. Life does not wait for you to finish grieving. Even as I look forward to the weekend, I realize Josh will be on a plane to Florida.
There is no pause button for life. I've looked. It isn't there. But maybe that's a good thing...it keeps us moving forward.
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